A true blessing

On December 20, 2009 my life changed forever.

I was getting off the exit for work, and about to pull into the parking lot when my cell phone rang.
I saw it was my parents house calling, so of course I answered. The other end of the line was my mother hysterically crying and beneath the painful sobs she mustered the words I'll never forget, as well as the conversation.

"Erin, where are you?"

"Going to work, mom, mom, are you okay?? What is wrong? Oh my God, Mom, please tell me..."

"Erin, it's Marky."

Before she even said the words, I knew from her painful tears and sobbing that something horrible has happened. Immediately my heart stopped. I pulled into the lot, turned my car off, and sat on the phone. Staring ahead, I tried to comprehend what I was hearing.

"Mom, what about Marky? Take a breath Mom, and tell me what's wrong..Mom, calm down, and tell me what happened..."

"He's dead."

"What do you mean he's dead??!?!? Marky? My Marky? Mark Reckman? You mean Mark? My brother? My cousin? My best friend? Mom, are you sure? What happened?? NO MOM.."

"He killed himself, Erin. He killed himself.."

That is where everthing turns to a blur. The conversation turned to her asking me a couple things (that I dont really recall) about going into work, and how I would call her in a bit when I got into work and clocked in.

I hung the phone up, stared straight ahead seeing normal people getting on the shuttle busses, getting ready to start their normal day at the job. I had to be one of those people, within minutes after finding out that my best friend and cousin just took his life. I felt numb, probably just as numb as I feel writing this all into words right now. I didn't believe what I just heard. I was so confused. There were some tears right away, but not that many. I couldn't feel anything, all I could feel was pure and utter SHOCK.

I immediately called my cousin Mike, Mark's oldest brother. He answered the phone and other than a voice, there was nothing to him. Just pure hollow, sadness, devastation, and tears. Lots of tears. I briefly talked with him, and he confirmed that Mark had shot himself the night before.
He couldn't even talk. He couldn't put together a sentence, nor could I. Our conversation consisted of oh my gods and I cant believe this is happening, followed with tons of confusion. He said he'd call me back a bit later, and all I could say was this is a mistake, it was an accident, Mark didn't do this. He wouldn't do this.

Again, I sat staring straight ahead. I remember my phone ringing, and ringing, and I just stared at it. My immediate thought was that I had to call Shannon. Fuck. How the hell am I going to tell Shannon that Mark shot himself, when I, myself, can't even say the words, and don't believe it. The phone rings, and she doesnt answer. So I text her CALL ME NOW, ITS IMPORTANT ABOUT MARK. I call right back, she answers.

Shannon, are you sitting down? You need to sit down. It's Mark.

What about Mark? Is he ok??

No Shannon, Mark is dead. He killed himself last night.

SILENCE. I said the words out loud. I dont believe them, but I said them. It felt like a stabbing pain in my chest, and again, I think my heart stopped.

What?? What do you mean Mark is dead? No he didn't, shut up Erin. Stop messing with me.

Shannon, I wouldnt kid about this. Mark is dead. I cant believe it, and I dont know any details, but he is dead.

Erin, I can't talk. I have to hang the phone up. I can't talk about this, oh my god.

I know Shannon, holy fuck, I just found out.

We both hung up the phone, and again I sat with my phone in my hand.

My life changed forever in that 30 minutes, and will never be the same. Never have I ever felt such disbelief, shock, confusion, sadness, loss, devastation, loneliness, and emptiness. My cousin, who is my brother, as I his sister, my Mark, my best friend, decided to leave this world on his own. For reasons unknown to the rest of us, he felt is was his time to go.

This is only the beginning of the tragedy that I felt within myself following his death.

The whole day at work, my phone wouldnt stop ringing, and the entire day consisted of a bunch of phone calls filled with sobbing tears, and lots of questions. No one could grasp this shocking news, and I couldn't stop my brain from running the one million questions over and over again.

Is the really happening?
Did Mark really kill himself?
Why???

I would convince myself that it wasn't real, then my phone would ring again snapping me back into this hell of reality. It is real. He is gone. And he killed himself. Noone did this to him, he did this to himself. I want to find out why, but Mark took those answers with him.

-to be continued.

between a rock and a hard place

So, I know this blog is supposed to be about experiences, so here's one. I am STUCK. I have a huge decision to make, and I have no clue what to do. Hence, the reason I am awake at 4am. Can't sleep, my mind is racing, and thank god for anxiety medicine.
Back in March, my airline announced that they were laying off 840 people. I am one of them. They have given us the opportunity to transfer, and my transfer application got accepted for a major hub. Which is 800 miles away from home, and I would transfer in my current position. Sounds great? Yeh, but I can't stop thinking that if I transfer that far away, I want a promotion. So I applied for a promotion, and haven't heard anything yet...it's been a week. WTF? I'm sitting here biting my nails off, stressing over if I'm going to have to pick up and move my life 800 miles away! C'mon! Tell me something!!!!
My first choice of station to transfer to was a station 30 miles from my boyfriend, which would be perfect. BUT, nothing is that easy, and as my luck has it, the transfer got denied for other reasons that don't make sense to me. I was told there wasnt a FT position open, however on the XX website, there definitely is a opening. Whatever. FRUSTRATED.

NYC and the Air Traffic

Working as a gate agent can definitely be demanding and stressful, especially in a large hub. The airline operates hundreds of flights a day, and in a normal 9 hour shift, I work anywhere from 3-8 flights. Back when our hub was super busy, there were days where I worked up to 10. Currently, I generally work 3-5. The airport has suffered a significant loss of flight activity, but that's not the point. We are located in the midwest and run into weather delays often. We have numerous direct flights to every freakin' airport located on the east coast. The airports that I have experienced the most issues with are JFK, LGA, and EWR.

FIRST, LET ME JUST SEND MY GRATITUDE TO THE IDIOT WHO BUILT THREE HUGE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORTS ALL WITHIN AND AROUND NYC. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS ON BUILDING THESE AIRPORTS SO CLOSE TOGETHER. MYSELF PLUS A 1000 OTHER AGENTS WANT TO KNOW. THANKS.

I have worked a million NYC flights in the past three years and it never fails....there is always some asshole passenger that is suprised, and pissed that NYC is on a ATC delay.

My announcement:
For passengers on flight 9999 with service to Newark, I regret to inform you that the Newark airport is on a groundstop due to Air Traffic Control in the New York area. Our new estimated time of departure is 5:30 pm, that is 45 minutes past our original ETD of 4:45. Please stay in the gate area for future announcements.

Ignorant passenger IMMEDIATELY stands up after my announcement and walks to my podium:
Excuse me ma'am! Why the hell is this flight delayed?? Every single time I fly to EWR I am delayed!! I think you are lying, and I want a refund! Your airline sucks.

My reply:
If you fly to EWR all the time, then you should be familiar with ATC delays, and this has nothing to do with our airline, this is a ATC delay in NYC. Please have a seat and I'll update you when I get the next update myself.

This happens on a daily basis, and is always obnoxious. If you fly to NYC on a regular basis (or even just ONCE), you should be familiar with this shit! These delays are just about as common as the sun rising. Get over it!

The beginning of something fabulous!

For the past three years and currently, I work one of the most entertaining jobs out there in the world. No shit. I have experienced some of the craziest situations, heard the most whacked out things from peoples' mouths, and have witnessed some crap that literally leaves me speechless. During my career with XX airline, I have continuously thought about starting a blog and/or journal to document some of my experiences with flights, baggage, passengers, and everything crazy that comes with working at a XX hub. Some of these situations are too good to not share!

A quick background of myself: I started my career with XX airline in 2007. I quit a bar job making tons of cash to start with the airline for significantly less money. My idea behind starting with the airline was that it would be a much better career move, and I would somewhat work with the bachelor's degree in Communications and Public Relations that I earned a few years back. Working for a big airline would open opportunities for me to start a career in my field, rather than just keep hustling beer, shots, and bar food to wasted people. Not that it's not fun working and partying at the bar, but I was soooo ready to get out of the restaurant/bar world.

Anyway, this blog is going to be a collection of stories, situations, and some funny shit that I have encountered..ENJOY!

This is the first blog I've written, so I can handle constructive criticism!!


****Due to obvious reasons of privacy, I will not disclose the airline I work for in this blog. My company will be known as XX airline. All names will be changed as well. ****